Jilletante

Why I Love My Boyfriend, #49087

2009-03-10T07:55:00.002-04:00

Last night, talking about meeting a friend in NYC this weekend:

Me: It shouldn't be too bad if we just take the Metro. [Pause] Sorry, I meant subway. I'm thinking D.C.

Him: I was gonna say—if you're thinking "Metro," you're thinking D.C. or Paris.

Me: Or Montreal.

Him: Or Berlin.

Me: Really? That one I didn't know.

Him: [Pause] Or I could just be thinking of the Berlin song "Metro." Actually, yeah, that's it.

Me: [Collapsing on the bed in laughter that doesn't subside for half an hour.]

Boobies!

2008-08-05T15:20:00.003-04:00

If you know me at all, you know why I'm posting this. Thanks to D-Mac for the link!

Are big breasts always beautiful? - Times Online

Why is it...

2008-07-28T17:30:00.001-04:00

...that El Paso and El Pasoans always look bad in the news?

Man deposits millions, one tattered bill at a time, The Associated Press, via CNN

Anger/Unemployment

2008-07-28T13:47:00.001-04:00

I was unemployed for five months, almost to the day. This is after three and a half months of unemployment from earlier in the year. It sucked. It was frustrating, if not downright discouraging.

But never—not once—did I feel compelled to do anything like this.

The Thought Occurs...

2008-07-23T09:08:00.002-04:00

...I just put the link to this blog in my bio for my MFA program, and I haven't updated the damn thing since March. I'll try to do better about this, but in the meanwhile, a few updates on my life after the jump.

I have a job now. It's at a Communications start-up in Old City. I love it.
My boyfriend and I moved in together, which sounds like a big step, but really isn't when you consider that my apartment had long ago turned into a very expensive closet with cable and running water.
I joined a gym across the street from my office so I'd have no excuse not to work out more. It sounds good in theory, but I haven't been in two weeks.

And... I can't think of anything else to write about. Which is sad, seeing as it's been about four months since last I updated. Next post will be more interesting. I swear.

You Must Be Joking

2008-03-05T10:20:00.007-05:00

Job Hunting. Again. Just spoke with someone at a staffing agency who suggested I take an aptitude test. My results after the jump.

Career Suggestions for Jilletante

Your Career Suggestions

Careers that suit your answers are listed below under Interest Rank. The best matches are at the top of the list. Click on a career to learn more about it and how it suits your answers. Your matching Career Clusters are also listed below.

Interest Rank

1.	Set Designer
2.	Costume Designer
3.	Special Effects Technician
4.	Desktop Publisher
5.	Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
6.	Actor
7.	Animator
8.	Fashion Designer
9.	Director of Photography
10.	Acting Instructor
11.	Director
12.	Professor
13.	Anthropologist
14.	Comedian
15.	Casting Director
16.	Critic
17.	Sociologist
18.	Artist
19.	Graphic Designer
20.	Activist
21.	Writer
22.	Print Journalist
23.	Musician
24.	Website Designer
25.	Computer Animator
26.	Political Aide
27.	Communications Specialist
28.	Public Policy Analyst
29.	Composer
30.	Medical Illustrator
31.	Market Research Analyst
32.	Singer
33.	Translator
34.	Potter
35.	Craftsperson
36.	Public Relations Specialist
37.	Criminologist
38.	Magician
39.	Clergy
40.	Music Teacher / Instructor

Instant Karma's Gonna Get You

2007-10-05T16:48:00.001-04:00

Walking back to work from lunch today, I happened to notice a guy stopped at a red light, windows down, with John Lennon's "Instant Karma" blaring over his stereo. As the light turned green, several pedestrians began to cross the intersection, thereby keeping the car in front of this [I thought] peace-loving gentleman from turning right. So what did this gentleman do? Surely, he waited patiently, embodying the lessons of Lennon, right?

No.

In a very Philly way, he honked his horn, then leaned out his window, yelled "Fuck all of youse" at the car in front of him and the pedestrians beyond.

To quote the late, great former Beatle's song: "Who in the hell d'you think you are?"

I hope instant karma gets him. Soon.

Disgusting

2007-09-22T14:05:00.000-04:00

U.S. Rule Limits Emergency Care for Immigrants, New York Times, September 22, 2007

Whatever happened to "First, do no harm"?

On Really Romantic Evenings of Self, I Go Salsa Dancing with My Confusion

2007-09-18T17:34:00.000-04:00

I've lucid dreamed ever since I was a kid, but I was never aware that it was called that until my freshman year at Penn, when I saw Waking Life for a class I took. It instantly put me into an existential crisis (Am I dreaming or am I just dead?) that I quickly got over when someone told me that, while you could probably control actions in your lucid dreams, you couldn't control physical sensation, and then proceeded to pinch me. Hard.

Anyway, five years later (which makes it six years since the movie came out), it seems that people are finally becoming aware of lucid dreaming.

This is where I insert a variation on what I find I'll often say about bands: "Dude! I was having lucid dreams ages ago, way before it got popular!"

A Package, Finally

2007-09-11T15:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Town Shop:

In the grand scheme of things, $200 isn't a lot of money. However, $200 is a lot to spend on two bras. Because the Good Lord "blessed" me with the inability to buy 'em at Victoria's Secret, I have to make the occasional pilgrimage to the Upper West Side of Manhattan and buy for eighty or ninety bucks what someone smaller than me can easily buy for twenty.

On July 11, I spent nearly two hours trying on bras at your establishment, with the assistance of three very aggressive women who spent a good deal of time poking my breasts and asking them (not me) why they were lopsided, then yelling down the hall that they needed a different size because yet another bra didn't fit me. Needless to say, this was a fun experience.

Finally, finally, I found three bras that worked. Well, I found one bra that worked. And two bras that would work after the back and/or straps were taken up by the able seamstresses employed at the store. Someone asked me if I could come pick them up the next weekend. "No," I replied, "I live in Philadelphia."

"No problem, we'll mail them to you, free of charge."

I walked to the register and paid: $250 for three bras and a pair of panties that matched the only one I was able to take home that day. I filled out an address card and the gentleman behind the counter said that they'd be mailing me the bras the following week. I left $200 worth of merchandise behind me and headed out to meet my boyfriend, who'd been patiently(-ish) waiting for me at the bookstore across the street.

Ten days later and still braless, I called you and was informed that my bras had been shipped on July 17, so I'd have them any day.

I waited. And I waited some more. And finally, yesterday, thirty days after the initial purchase, my bras arrived. You'd sent them in a lightly-padded envelope via regular first-class mail: no insurance, no tracking number, no delivery confirmation. Two hundred bucks and two hours of my life that you really didn't seem to care about getting to me.

I think I need to find a bra store in Philadelphia...

Three Dreams

2007-09-04T10:28:00.000-04:00

I'm dreaming a lot, lately. Usually when I'm at the boy's, because I suspect I'm a lighter sleeper over there. But last night, alone and in my own bed, I had a series of quite bizarre dreams...

One
My parents are recently divorced, but the whole family is still together a lot. My dad and sister, Lindsay, have been acting strangely, and my mother notices that Lindsay has started wearing a ring that goes across both her ring and middle fingers on her left hand. After some investigation, we discover that my father divorced my mother to marry my sister. Lovely, right? (I blame this one on seeing a version of Antigone last night. The Greek incest must have been very much on my mind. Shudder.)

Two
I'm working for someone who may be, but is at least very much like, Jeff Lewis. We're about to have a big open house when the boss decides that it's full of bad energy and must be cleansed. So as people start to arrive at the open house, it becomes my job to keep them clear of the living room, where there are eight naked "monks" of some denomination or other spooning on the couch while they chant the spirits away. (I think I watch too much Bravo.)

Three
Sex and the City and I must be Samantha because she's the only one I don't see, but I know I'm participating in the events of the dream. We run into Charlotte's bedroom and rouse her from her sleep because we need her to help us "at work." She complains that she's supposed to be out of town, and if everyone thinks she's still on vacation, why does she have to get out of bed. We tell her that if she was going to get home early from her honeymoon, the least she could do is help us out. Then it turns out that work is nothing more than standing around in a hotel lobby looking fabulous and talking about our shoes.

Awesome, right? Sometimes, I wonder what's going on with my head...

That Is So L.A.

2007-07-30T20:03:00.000-04:00

Hollywood Pigeons to Be Put on the Pill, Wired, July 30, 2007

It's not a quick fix, but it's a novel idea.

I Love Drunk People

2007-07-25T22:31:00.000-04:00

This may well be a regular feature!

First drunken frat boy: "Nah, man, I'm asexual."
Second drunken frat boy: "You have sex with yourself?"

In Defense of Comedy

2007-07-20T18:43:00.000-04:00

This is a really wonderful, albeit really long, essay about why "great" novels simply aren't funny anymore. I recommend it to any and all writers.

'Divine Comedy' by Julian Gough, Prospect Magazine, May 2007

Yeah, I'm Back... Ish

2007-07-19T10:38:00.001-04:00

I've decided I really need to not neglect Jilletante, especially after telling folks at BlogPhiladelphia that it existed. So I'm going to try my damndest for more regular updates. Look! There's one below! (And hopefully, one more later today about the weird-ass dream I had.)

"They Gave the Stickiness Away"

2007-07-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, my state kind of embarrasses me.

Abstinence Education Faces an Uncertain Future, New York Times, July 18, 2007

Do I think teens should be encouraged to be abstinent? Yes. However, I also think they should be educated and able to make informed decisions. Telling a teen that sex is evil or unholy outside of the marriage isn't the way to promote abstinence. It's just the way to make sure that when they do eventually have sex, they're exposing themselves to pain, social diseases, pregnancy, and a lot of emotional baggage. These are the same people who grow up thinking that you can't get AIDS if you're straight and white. Yeah. Fucking. Right.

Ah, Technology!

2007-06-09T13:26:00.000-04:00

This column cracked me up.

'omg my mom joined facebook!!' New York Times, June 7, 2007

Rest in Pieces, Jerry

2007-05-25T11:13:00.000-04:00

I was very tired when I wrote this as a Return to Sender column for Phillyist. It's a little disjointed and not particularly relevant, which is why we decided not to run it. But here it is, with all its contradictions, right after the jump.

Dear Jerry Falwell:

Yeah, yeah. Respect for the dead. Yada, yada.

I was just browsing the internet and I found this entry on the Huffington Post blog. Basically, it's a compilation of some, but clearly not all, of the lovely things you said over the years. The Antichrist is a Jew? MLK was insincere? Desmond Tutu is a phony? You were too kind!

With all due respect, sir, I hope you're finding your special place in Hell comfortable. I hear it's lovely this time of year.

Sure, there are plenty of people with nice things to say about you in the week since your passing. I am not one of them.

However, I'm not going to reach into your bag of dirty tricks. I'm not going to say that you were the ruination of the country, although the hundreds of thousands of people who think like you frighten me. When you were still alive, I never wished for your eternal damnation. When I say that I hope you're enjoying Hell I say it, not because I wish to send you there (I'm Jewish, so I don't really believe Hell exists), but because I cannot, for the life of me, think of one good reason that a man so full of hate as you were in life deserves anything better than that in death.

My only wish is that, after some time spent down there, you'd be able to see your wrongs, and come back to tell the world about them. Unfortunately, we all know that that will never be. So at the very least, I hope you soon find yourself being joined by the others whose minds you poisoned against their fellow man.

There is no room in this world for your kind of hate, Jerry. There are bigger--much bigger--battles to be won. But I do hope that you've found room in the next.

Image via New Paltz Journal.

To Quote Veruca Salt...

2007-05-08T12:34:00.000-04:00

"Don't care how, I want it now!"

"Beam It Down From the Web, Scotty," New York Times, May 7, 2007

This Makes My Inner Sadist Happy

2007-05-07T18:32:00.000-04:00

"Fire Ants May Have Met Their Match," CNN.com, May 7, 2007.

Growing up in West Texas, I've stepped barefoot on many a fire ant colony. And let me tell you, few things that I've experienced in life are more painful. So the possible erradication of fire ants has me near-gleeful.

I Really Am Unemployed

2007-05-07T13:54:00.000-04:00

I've just spent the last two hours watching Maury and Springer. I can feel my brain melting.

When I Was A Kid, I Had a Crush on James Bond, Jr.

2007-05-03T19:47:00.000-04:00

But this is a little different, methinks:

I Like Words

2007-05-02T12:03:00.000-04:00

Wordsmith.org's word of the day today:

asyndeton (uh-SIN-di-ton, -tuhn) noun

Omission of conjunctions, as in "I came, I saw, I conquered."

There's a word for that? Who knew?!

Ummm...

2007-05-01T15:37:00.000-04:00

Just what I always wanted. Bathing suits that look like ski bibs. HAWTT.

Just When I Finally Start Getting Unemployment Checks!

2007-04-29T19:40:00.000-04:00

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has selected me to participate in Pennsylvania's Profile Reemployment Program. This is not optional. If I don't go to the PREP Orientation/Assessment session, I might actually lose my benfits.

Here's the deal: I've been on the PA CareerLink website. They don't exactly have the kinds of jobs that I'm looking for. At all. A basic search for jobs in "Arts, Design, Entertainment, Sports, & Media," in Philadelphia, at the minimum salary I can make, actually yielded:

Job Search Results

Your search returned 0 matches.
Please click on 'Modify Search' to change your search criteria.

Similar results in the two or three other "occupational categories" that seemed like they might have jobs I wouldn't hate.

It might be pretentious of me. Hell, I know it's pretentious of me. But I graduated from one of the top schools in the country. With honors. And I somehow doubt that this PREP Orientation/Assessment is going to be much more than a waste of time.