Liveblogging the Oscars

Will be updated regularly throughout the evening, beginning with Road to the Oscars 2007, and going all through the awards. I have seen almost none of the nominated films, so this should be interesting...

8:00PM: Where did Leonardo DiCaprio's southern accent come from?

8:06PM: The collar on Jennifer Hudson's jacket looks like the collar on Snow White's evil stepmother's cape.

8:08PM: The bow on Anne Hathaway's dress looks very Gypsy Rose Lee. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

8:12PM: Penelope Cruz is gorgeous, but her dress kind of looks like it's made of carpet.

8:14PM: Holy crap, when did Will Smith go grey?


8:15PM: I don't think Cameron Diaz has looked this good in a long, long time. Also, does everyone remember Lisa Ling from Channel 1 News?

8:22PM: I love Mexican film, so all of the nominations between the Three Amigos make me really really happy. Even though I haven't seen those films.

8:25PM: That's it. Let's ask Kate Winslett about her nude scene. Have we all forgotten Titanic?

8:31PM: I love the little girl from Little Miss Sunshine. Also, it's the only Best Picture nominee that I saw.

8:34PM: Okay, this montage is just a little weird.

8:35PM: Awww, I kind of want Peter O'Toole to win. He's been waiting long enough. And his answer to the Lawrence of Arabia question was funny.

8:36PM: What? No montage where Ellen is in all of the movies? Also, did they just show Jack Nicholson... totally bald? Britney solidarity!

8:38PM: "Most international Oscars ever." Quick! Pan to the Asian chick!

8:42PM: So... weird to see Al Gore at the Oscars.

8:43PM: "If there weren't blacks, Jews, and gays..." Quick! Pan to the Smith family and Beyonce!

8:47PM: Viva Mexico! (Never saw the movie, but I'm proud of my almost-homeland)

8:48PM: Didn't Maggie Gyllenhal have a baby like last week? Life isn't fair.

8:49PM: Okay, that was really cool. Pilobolus should be at all awards shows.

8:50PM iPhone. Hot.

8:53PM "A close friend of Ricky Bobby?" That's how they introduce Will Ferrell? Also, what the hell is on his head?

8:55PM Okay, I love John C. Reilly for participating in this. I mean, I loved him anyway. But he added special legitimacy to this number. And hey, Helen Mirren loved it!

8:57PM: That was their segue into the award category?

8:58PM: Viva Mexico! (Holy crap, they've got flags in the audience!)

9:00PM: I love that they've got kids doing the cartoon award. It'd be like having fat people give awards for best food.

9:04PM: I totally want to see "West Bank Story." Not because I care about Israel (even though I do), but because I love West Side Story. Also, the filmmaker kind of looks like a Jewish Johnny Depp. And he just gave a fantastic, concise speech. Be still my beating heart.

9:12PM: Umm... I want to be in a sound effects choir. This is amazing!

9:16PM: I wonder what made the sound in Letters from Iwo Jima better than the sound in Flags of Our Fathers...

9:21PM: One of Rachel Weisz's eyes looks significantly smaller than the other. The hair isn't helping.

9:23PM: Alan Arkin? At last, an award to a movie I saw!

9:27PM: I kinda dug that Diet Coke commercial.

9:36PM: When did Al Gore get so fat?

9:44PM: Aww, yay! I saw Happy Feet, too. Even if I could have done without the movie's message...

9:49PM: Yep. Jack Nicholson is bald. It is not a good look.

10:00PM: Still not sure how I feel about Anne Hathaway's dress.

10:03PM: I really love the way they did the costume presentation this year.

10:05PM: "Tom Cruise is one fucked-up motherfucker." Thank you, Eric Singel. I will never be able to see Tom Cruise without thinking of you.

10:12PM: Gwynneth Paltrow's dress makes her boobs look kind of funny. Of course, she may not be wearing a bra, and that could be it, too.

10:13PM: Viva Mexico!

10:16PM: Okay, seriously, Pilobolus is my favorite part of these awards.

10:17PM: I have a new favorite commercial. I want an elephant to bring me soup.

10:20PM: Hi, I'm Robert Downey, Junior, and I used to have a drug problem...

10:24PM: Catherine Deneuve + Ken Wantanabe = the least intelligible awards presenters ever.

10:36PM: Yay Jennifer Hudson! I haven't seen your movie, but I'm happy you won.

10:51PM: An Inconvenient Truth won? Shocking!

10:54PM: Clint Eastwood looks just this side of dead, and I still find him very strangely sexy.

10:58PM: Oh joy. Celine Dion. I remember when I used to like her.

11:03PM: Who knew that Clint Eastwood spoke Italian? Is there anything that man can't do?

11:07PM: Honestly, who writes the banter? I think my mother's fourth grade class could probably do better. Also, I miss the days of interpretive dances to the Best Original Score nominees.

11:08PM: Viva Mexico! (Yes, I know he's Argentinian. But the movie is Mexican.)

11:11PM: Kirsten Dunst kind of looks dead. Even more so than Clint Eastwood. That's kind of sad.

11:14PM: Yay, another award for Little Miss Sunshine!

11:18PM: The JC Penney movie commercial was great. Ditto the Diet Coke photograph commercial. I'm enjoying this better than the Super Bowl.

11:20PM: JLo is an excellent reason for HDTV? They must be referring to the days when she'd show up at awards shows and you could see her boobies.

11:22PM: It's actually kind of amazing how much better Jennifer Hudson's voice is than Beyonce's.

11:30PM: It's official: the Oscars are too long again.

11:31PM: Melissa Ethredge probably has my father yelling at his televison right now.

11:42PM: The woman who just won for editing is kind of adorable.

11:45: This is where they do the segment about the people who've died and I burst into tears.

11:48PM: I managed to make it all the way through to the end, but when the applause swelled for Robert Altman, I admit, there was a sob.

11:52PM: My, but Phillip Seymour Hoffman is unattractive. Talented as all get out, but really ugly.

11:55PM: Helen Mirren: Now that's a lady who knows how to accept an award! She looks stunning, too.

12:03PM: Gotta love Peter O'Toole's jacket.

12:04PM: Ah well, guess that the jacket is all Peter O'Toole has going for him tonight. Good on Forrest Whittacker, though!

12:07PM: Anyone ever notice how George Lucas sounds a little like Kermit the Frong?

12:08PM: I still haven't seen The Departed, but I'm thrilled for Scorcese.

12:13PM: Diane Keaton looks great. She's not dressed like Annie Hall. (Apparentlky, she only does that when she's nominated for something.)

12:17PM: They only ran forty-seven minutes over. That's... special. And I'm done!