The Best Laid Plans, or, My First Official Day of Unemployment

My intended schedule for today:

• 9:00AM: Wake up. Eat breakfast.


• 9:15AM: Check email. Do any necessary work on that other blog.


• 10:00AM: Look for and/or apply to jobs.


• 12:00PM: Eat lunch. Work on DVR backlog.


• 1:30PM: Go to gym. You skipped pilates yesterday, lazy girl.


• 3:00PM: Come home. More job hunting.


• 5:00PM: Change into all-black. Eat something.


• 5:30PM: Head to L2. Willingly be Mr. Eric Singel's bitch for a few hours.


• 10:15PM: Leave L2. Go in search of food, either at home or along the way.


• 12:00AM: Check queue, edit, and write content for Phillyist.


• 1:30AM: Shower. Actually wash hair this time.


• 2:30AM: Check email one last time. Because you are insanely compulsive.


• 3:00AM: Go to bed, young lady!

My actual schedule for today:

• 11:00AM: Curse alarm. Reach over side of bed where you left your laptop at 4AM. Check email. Edit posts in queue.


• 12:00PM: Notice that stomach is growling. Loudly. Remember that you haven't really eaten since lunch yesterday. No, the two bite-sized crabcakes and a Blue Moon at happy hour don't count.


• 12:15PM: Eat a bowl of cereal. Unload dishwasher. Consider doing a load of laundry. Head to bedroom to retrieve dirty laundry, get distracted by laptop, forget laundry.


• 12:30PM: Send frustrated email to Executive Editor and Publisher. Think of politer ways to ask: "bitch, where's my money?"


• 1:00PM: Confirm job interview. Talk with co-editor about executive editor's reply. Come up with conspiracy theories.


• 1:30PM: Go to YouTube, ostensibly for finding a video to post tomorrow morning on Phillyist. Spend too much time there.


• 2:00PM: Write column for tomorrow. Begin writing this blog entry, knowing full well that it will need to be updated throughout the rest of the day.


• 2:30PM: You should have been job hunting by now. Why are you still in bed?


• 2:35PM: Nevermind. Bed is comfy. Zzzzz.


• 4:30PM: Wake up from nap. Reach over side of bed for computer again. Check email. Think about eating.


• 4:35PM: Put water on to boil pasta.


• 4:40PM: Read Jessica's interview with The Polish Brothers.


• 4:50PM: Get distracted by ruling in Anna Nicole Smith case.


• 4:52PM: CRAP! Boiling water!


• 4:53PM: Add pasta. Reduce heat. Return to the computer.


• 5:00PM: It's been the recommended seven minutes. Why does pasta still seem uncooked?


• 5:10PM: Katie was right. Rice pasta is weird. It went from uncooked to mushy fast.
  


• 5:15PM: Proofread last-minute, time-sensitive post in queue.


• 5:30PM: Get your ass in gear. You have to be at the theatre in half an hour and you're naked.


• 5:50PM: Run out the door. If you can get a cab, you'll make it in time.


• 5:51PM: Go back upstairs. You left your backstage clothing on your sofa.


• 5:52PM: Crap! No cash!


• 5:57PM: Now that you've got cash, where the hell are the taxis? Run.


• 6:15PM: Arrive at theatre fifteen minutes late, only get told that, no, you didn't have to be there until 6:30. Take off your coat. Get asked to run across the street to the 7-11 to get twenty one dollar bills in exchange for two tens. Put coat back on.


• 6:20PM: Get laughed at at the 7-11. Also get twenty ones.


• 6:30PM: Become property of Mr. Eric Singel and the Vagabond Acting Troupe. Try hard not to cough or sneeze backstage. At some point, get kneed in the forehead. Ouch.
  


• 9:30PM: Show's over. Pre-set for tomorrow. Accept free drink from very cute but attached bartender. Eat lots of leftover cheese from the cheese plate.


• 10:30PM: Go to Ten Stone because their kitchen is still open. Run into current girlfriend of friend of ex-boyfriend. Order fondue and pollo con queso soup.


• 11:30PM: Overdose on cheese. Get most of soup to go.


• 12:00AM: Walk home. Halfway there, realize you probably should have used the facilities at the bar. Every time you cough, stop walking and squeeze your legs together. Do kegels.


• 12:15AM: Get home. Wait forever for elevator. Run to bathroom.


• 12:30AM: Begin coughing. Blame cheese and alcohol. Get IM from old acquaintance you haven't spoken to in over a year. Debate with self whether it's worthwhile to stay online in hopes that current crush will sign on.


• 1:15AM: Notice self falling asleep at computer. Boy has not signed on. Say goodbye to acquaintance, with whom you are discussing the merits of morning versus nighttime showers. And speaking of showers, it's time for you to take one.


• 1:17AM: Okay, maybe a quick nap first.


• 2:00AM: Grudgingly get out of bed, knowing full well you'd better shower before your job interview in the morning. Look in mirror: inspect hair. Decide to go one more day without washing—nobody needs to know but you and the five other people who are currently aware of this blog.


• 2:40AM: Finish shower. Do post-shower "stuff." Get water. Take pills.


• 2:45AM: Locate box fan. It is hot as hell in your apartment.


• 2:50AM: Finish this post. Check email one last time.


• 3:00AM: Get to bed already! You have to be up in five hours!

Sigh... I think that at some point, I strayed a bit from the path.